Apr. 9th, 2013

snousle: (badger)
I find it so interesting that my mood can change so much over time. It's kind of inconvenient, actually - the times when I'm wildly ambitious, I have lots of great-seeming ideas which I jot down for future reference. Then later, I think, WTF - you must be kidding. My task list gets weighted down with all sorts of interesting-seeming things that are NOT going to make my life better. I've come to accept that "ideas" are not really my friends, that I don't need to follow up on them, that they aren't an important part of who I am.

Here in the country there's a tendency for visitors to see all sorts of exciting possibilities that get expressed with the phrase "You should..." To which my favorite response is "Don't should on me!" I've come to really dislike this word. Especially when it applies to work that I would have to do and the speaker wouldn't.

Perhaps the most interesting variable is what I tend to think of as "mojo". The drive to be sociable, to get to know people, to be out in the world. This swings real hard and by definition most people see me in the high-mojo state and perhaps think I'm like that all the time. Not so! It's a real finite resource. I have to learn to stop thinking of low-mojo periods as having "something wrong" with them.

It's just that the high-mojo me and the low-mojo me don't quite understand each other. I wouldn't say I'm bipolar or anything, just that I have to be careful of what commitments I make, because it's easy to get the ball rolling faster than I want it to roll.

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snousle

August 2013

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