Marriage

Mar. 27th, 2013 09:19 am
snousle: (scruffy)
[personal profile] snousle
[Snarfed and edited from my own comment on a G+ post, recorded here for posterity]

I have long been bothered by the repeated assertion that gay marriage is "illegal", which completely defers to the state the power to decide what a marriage is, and arguably encourages a kind of helplessness. Ideally, I'd much rather see gay couples take the attitude that they ARE married, and are patiently waiting for the state to recognize that obvious fact. Along with that would be greater community-level support for pursuing the trappings of marriage - wills, joint property, POA, et cetra - which would be framed as an inadequate and annoying work-around to the government's failure to deal with reality. With that attitude, maybe there would be fewer tragic endings and government recognition would happen at a faster pace.

On a personal note, while John and I would certainly get married once it's recognized on a federal level (for various reasons state-level is not suitable for us), we still have a third member of our family that could be treated just as cruelly as any "unmarried" partner had we not secured his rights through other means. Marriage is just one kind of family relationship, and our family happens to be larger than that; state recognition of marriage would be a big improvement but not a complete solution. So it kind of burns me to hear "polygamy" raised as an argument against gay marriage and simultaneously dismissed by gay people themselves. What we REALLY need is a more general form of adoption that covers whatever kind of kinship you want to have.
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