On the practice of "collecting donations"
Apr. 19th, 2012 08:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snousleHad an interesting and new experience at dinner the other night - I was with a group of eleven people, and one of them didn't chip in for the bill. Since I can do arithmetic in my head pretty well, I'm often the guy who tallies it up, and that was pretty obviously what happened.
It was particularly interesting because the numbers were very simple. The restaurant had pre-calculated the gratuity for us, and it all came to very close to thirty dollars a person. So there weren't any small bills involved, and the sum was short by exactly that amount. You never really know what is going on with things like that - someone might have had a misunderstanding with their partner, or a genuine memory problem, with no intent of being a cheapskate. And by the time it was obvious that the bill was short it might have been really hard to admit for them that they messed up even if they knew they were the ones responsible.
I was a bit flustered over it myself, and a number of people offered to chip in additional money. But being the accountant for the evening, the whole thing was a little embarrassing, so I just threw in another thirty of my own, accepted a few more small bills from others, and hastily declared it "settled". Even so, I discreetly leafed through the money about five more times because I was sure I had made a mistake somewhere. AWKWARD. I have always made a point about never sweating over small amounts of money so the cash per se was not a problem, but I'm also conscious of how that might make other people feel weird. The whole thing, really, was a little weird, so in my heart I simply laid all the blame on the guys from out of town who I will never see again, and was done with it.
Some more rumbling in my vicinity last weekend, about getting stiffed on donations for a communal event, has got me thinking of how I've made it work in the past. I've done this maybe thirty times now. There's only been one event where the donations didn't reach their target, and I can't even remember what it was. Otherwise, for QBT and the pre-badger kitchen it's always worked out just fine. What I've found is that certain ways of collecting donations help to reenforce the reasons people make donations in the first place. A donation isn't just money, it's also a way people express their sense of community and exhibit it to others. So they are getting something back from it themselves, and it helps to know what that is so you can give them more of it.
First off, you have to be very clear about the amount. Never say "whatever". Be totally specific, otherwise you're putting your guest into an awkward and confusing position. There isn't actually any conflict between making it specific and making it optional; clearing up the haze of uncertainty is freeing the guest to make a much simpler decision that's more likely to go in the host's favor. If everyone is expected to chip in equally, then that's easy - just tell them the amount.
The "sliding scale" scenario is a little trickier. For events where some people are subsidizing others, the people with money are usually happy to cover the people who don't so long as they don't feel like they're being made a sucker for doing so. My usual formula for sliding scale is to declare the average per-person cost, and propose a "suggested donation" of about twice that amount. For example: "Tonights dinner cost twelve dollars a person to produce. We know some of you are a little short on money so if you can chip in twenty, that will help cover the rest. Otherwise you may contribute however much you can."
Suggest a particular time and place for the donation to occur, announce it more than once, and make accepting money into a group activity. For example, for QBT, I usually tell people that I'll be collecting money at the Saturday dinner (when everyone is liquored up and in a good mood, LOL.) When the time comes, announce it loudly, repeat the message about the amount, and gather it up all at once. Of course you will still have to gather some money at other times and you don't want to be rigid about HAVING to get it at that particular time. But getting most of it at one time makes life easier. I'm not a big fan of the "tip jar", I accept it right into my own hand so the donor knows absolutely for sure their donation was noted.
It kind of sucks to make a donation and not have anyone know you did it. Turning it into a low-key group ritual lets everyone feel the warm fuzzy glow of having their friends see them pitch in, and receiving it personally also lets them know that their host acknowledges it. Those who can't or won't contribute aren't put on the spot or made to feel diminished but they do get a little nudge in the right direction.
It was particularly interesting because the numbers were very simple. The restaurant had pre-calculated the gratuity for us, and it all came to very close to thirty dollars a person. So there weren't any small bills involved, and the sum was short by exactly that amount. You never really know what is going on with things like that - someone might have had a misunderstanding with their partner, or a genuine memory problem, with no intent of being a cheapskate. And by the time it was obvious that the bill was short it might have been really hard to admit for them that they messed up even if they knew they were the ones responsible.
I was a bit flustered over it myself, and a number of people offered to chip in additional money. But being the accountant for the evening, the whole thing was a little embarrassing, so I just threw in another thirty of my own, accepted a few more small bills from others, and hastily declared it "settled". Even so, I discreetly leafed through the money about five more times because I was sure I had made a mistake somewhere. AWKWARD. I have always made a point about never sweating over small amounts of money so the cash per se was not a problem, but I'm also conscious of how that might make other people feel weird. The whole thing, really, was a little weird, so in my heart I simply laid all the blame on the guys from out of town who I will never see again, and was done with it.
Some more rumbling in my vicinity last weekend, about getting stiffed on donations for a communal event, has got me thinking of how I've made it work in the past. I've done this maybe thirty times now. There's only been one event where the donations didn't reach their target, and I can't even remember what it was. Otherwise, for QBT and the pre-badger kitchen it's always worked out just fine. What I've found is that certain ways of collecting donations help to reenforce the reasons people make donations in the first place. A donation isn't just money, it's also a way people express their sense of community and exhibit it to others. So they are getting something back from it themselves, and it helps to know what that is so you can give them more of it.
First off, you have to be very clear about the amount. Never say "whatever". Be totally specific, otherwise you're putting your guest into an awkward and confusing position. There isn't actually any conflict between making it specific and making it optional; clearing up the haze of uncertainty is freeing the guest to make a much simpler decision that's more likely to go in the host's favor. If everyone is expected to chip in equally, then that's easy - just tell them the amount.
The "sliding scale" scenario is a little trickier. For events where some people are subsidizing others, the people with money are usually happy to cover the people who don't so long as they don't feel like they're being made a sucker for doing so. My usual formula for sliding scale is to declare the average per-person cost, and propose a "suggested donation" of about twice that amount. For example: "Tonights dinner cost twelve dollars a person to produce. We know some of you are a little short on money so if you can chip in twenty, that will help cover the rest. Otherwise you may contribute however much you can."
Suggest a particular time and place for the donation to occur, announce it more than once, and make accepting money into a group activity. For example, for QBT, I usually tell people that I'll be collecting money at the Saturday dinner (when everyone is liquored up and in a good mood, LOL.) When the time comes, announce it loudly, repeat the message about the amount, and gather it up all at once. Of course you will still have to gather some money at other times and you don't want to be rigid about HAVING to get it at that particular time. But getting most of it at one time makes life easier. I'm not a big fan of the "tip jar", I accept it right into my own hand so the donor knows absolutely for sure their donation was noted.
It kind of sucks to make a donation and not have anyone know you did it. Turning it into a low-key group ritual lets everyone feel the warm fuzzy glow of having their friends see them pitch in, and receiving it personally also lets them know that their host acknowledges it. Those who can't or won't contribute aren't put on the spot or made to feel diminished but they do get a little nudge in the right direction.
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no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 04:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 04:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 05:10 am (UTC)Maybe it's different with only 20 people who all know each other well.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 05:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 11:16 pm (UTC)Thanks be to teh gods :)
no subject
Date: 2012-04-21 03:25 am (UTC)My take is that most people don't care about who is paying or how much they do pay.
Tony is a great host, and very low key about payment.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-21 03:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 11:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 07:31 am (UTC)Maybe I can teach him about life, too.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 03:34 pm (UTC)