Print ad

[snousle]

I'm placing my first print ad in Mendocino Arts, a gallery guide coming out in July. It will be about 4 1/2" wide and take up 1/6th of the page. The printing is pretty high quality, so I hope it comes out OK, since a lot of things end up darker on the page than I expect. Here's my first stab at it:



Additional thought - Is the word "small" a problem? I wonder if it has the right connotations. I don't want to work with large numbers of guests, but no event is ever "small" in the mind of the host. I'm not getting any better ideas, though. It's kind of hard pitching a service that people may not have thought about before.

Comments

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I'm hating the comma. If it's a caesura you want, there should be some graphical way of introducing it.

[snousle.livejournal.com]

It's either that or I have to abuse an apostrophe. Good grammar is looked upon with suspicions in these parts. LOL.

Seriously though, what would you suggest? After staring at these things for a while, nothing looks right.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

You've got three separate notions here:

enjoy elegant dining
in your own home
at restaurant prices

You need to tweak the wording in order to get them of roughly the same length so you can partition them more or less the way I have above. As for issues of spacing, font, and so forth, there I defer to the layout specialists. (If there are fewer than a half dozen on you flist, I'll be shocked.)

[broduke2000.livejournal.com]

Ahem:

nothing looks right.

Incorrect Grammar Usage = nothing looks correct.

But your English teacher will let you off the hook, considering your locale, and your fine, mouth-watering graphic display ad.

[bigjohnsf.livejournal.com]

'Small' troubles me, but isn't that your company motto?

How about... "of any size" "Catering with a personal touch" "for intimate affairs" (you might also specify a number in your narrative.)

Also the text looks both crowded, loose and off center in the box.

[h0gwash.livejournal.com]

Intimate, but never small.

[bluebear2.livejournal.com]

I'd say go with "small" for now and see how people feel.

The text in the box to me looks "cheap" as does the colour of the background. Also it's very close to the edge of the box too.

The rest of the ad is good.

[barbarian-rat.livejournal.com]

Intimate sounds better than small, but the way you have it worded now is OK

[danthered.livejournal.com]

Your target market does not include too many pedantically prescriptive librarians. There's really nothing the matter with the comma; the text in question is a complete sentence (yay!). The demarcation between grammatic licence and improper grammar is blurry in advertising, but in this particular case you're well on the safe side of the line. The text would scan equally well without the comma or anything else, and you needn't break it up into bullet points, with or without the bullets.

No such licence is needed — so none should be taken — with the tense of the verb in your second sentence. I think you can make this text more personal and direct (and you'll eliminate a sentence fragment) by changing "Serving" to "We serve". You might also regroup things slightly to put the main attractive and pleasant concept of yummy work-free food by itself, undiluted by the repellant and unpleasant thought of what it's going to cost:

Enjoy an elegant dinner party in your own home!

We serve Mendocino county and surrounding areas at prices comparable to restaurant dining.

Visit www.mosscamp.com or call 707-467-1384.

As for "small", I would suggest deleting it without replacement. If someone calls and says he wants an event for nnn people, you'll probably say "That's a larger event than we're geared for right now, but thanks for calling us, and please give us a call for your next catered event", but depending on the particulars you might decide too say "Surely!", and either way, you'll have had the opportunity to talk with a potential customer. That's almost always better than such a potential customer not even ringing in the first place because he's decided his event isn't small enough for you (or that word "small" makes him think your operation isn't really a going concern, etc.)

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

No one suggested there's anything grammatically wrong with the comma, but the way it divides the text is very awkward and I'm hardly the only one to take note of that. (Or is bigjohnsf also a "pedantically prescriptive librarian" to you?)

I'm only trying to help Tony out. Any reason why you can't do that without taking potshots?

[danthered.livejournal.com]

When it comes to matters of design, it seems as though everybody's got an opinion, no matter what their qualifications might or might not be. Tony is fortunate to have a large circle of contacts, so he can read the opinion of everyone who cares to express one, take what he likes, and leave the rest.

Don't worry too much about potshots. If I'd wanted to take a real potshot at you, I'd've posted a link to one of the camps offering reparative therapy for persistent Republicanism or something. ;-)

As far as I know, bigjohnsf is not a librarian.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

Don't worry too much about potshots.

I don't. Ultimately it's not me they reflect badly on.

[danthered.livejournal.com]

[broduke2000.livejournal.com]

Now now! You children quit fighting or your English teacher will be forced to mark my territory on you to show you whose boss.

[danthered.livejournal.com]

*g*

[broduke2000.livejournal.com]

Exactly.

Little wetness in there too.


*WOOF*

As I was saying…

[danthered.livejournal.com]

*g*

My comments…

[ursine1.livejournal.com]

I think you need more contrast between the text and the background for both the text box and the by-line. "mosscamo" looks fine, but the text below it almost disappears.

Chuck

[bikerbearmark.livejournal.com]

Based on the photos, layout and color selection, I cannot wait to eat your food.

[jstregyr.livejournal.com]

I also vote for the use of "intimate" over "small". In the context of "catering for ______ events", the two words may mean the same thing, but, out of context, "small" as a word can have derogatory connotations that "intimate" does not have.

[snousle.livejournal.com]

Then again, "intimate" can have connotations that "small" does not too ;-)

[hudson-phoenix9.livejournal.com]

I really dig. What about "intimate" as a substitute for small? I don't think small is a problem, but if I was looking for a caterer and saw your ad and I might wonder what the line between small and big is. 25? 50? I waiter and bartend for a company whose affairs are usually 200+, so a 100 person event is small for them. Just some thoughts.

[hudson-phoenix9.livejournal.com]

and I just read the other comments about "intimate" ;-)