snousle

The number one problem in my business is anxiety.

The number one source of anxiety is the question "How much food should I buy?"

(The number two source of anxiety is water. Water is the most difficult of all ingredients to understand and control. I swear, some day I'm going to write "The Water Cookbook", and it will describe in exhaustive detail all the problems and benefits associated with the movement of water in, out, and through a cooking process. But that's a whole 'nother subject.)

Anyway: Dear Lazywebs... please tell me how much food to buy for an event. I'm trapped between the rock of disappointing a client, and the hard place of wasting food. I cannot bear to risk either one. I can adjust for the latter - we have to eat ourselves, after all - but that still doesn't offer a whole lot of room for error.

It might be a week long camping trip, or a cocktail party, or a five course dinner, or a buffet for a naked midget rugby team. The formula must encompass everything. It's a tall order, but there must be one that is true, and simple, and workable. I rarely get it wrong myself, but I spend so much time fretting about it I'm going to have a coronary if I keep it up. There are so many variables, and so much second-guessing.

I get the feeling that the only thing that really matters is total calories. Given a reasonably balanced set of ingredients - a mix of carbs, proteins, and veg - it surely does not really matter how you arrange them. But how can you know how many calories are needed, and how many calories you have brought with you? I have seriously considered constructing an elaborate database to answer that question but I am sure there exists a reliable way of estimating this that is simple and straightforward. It's just a matter of finding it.

And, oh generous lazywebs, BTW: if you give me an answer, it must be correct. Because if you fail me, I will be destroyed.